


Fatal Error

by wordbending



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: (not overly gruesome though), Alphyne-Centric, Alphys-Centric, Angst, Attempted Suicide, Blood and Gore, Child Death, Depression, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Neglect, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-12 00:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18000314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordbending/pseuds/wordbending
Summary: Alphys makes a mistake.And it's one that, this time, the human isn't coming back from.





	Fatal Error

Alphys taps furiously on her computer keyboard with the hand that’s not holding her cell phone, watching the human closely on the giant monitor they were displayed on. She could see from her cameras all around the CORE that they were in front of an electrified laser grid, and there was a switch just in front of it.

She could also see that they were in… bad shape. The monsters in the CORE had been difficult for them to figure out how to Spare, and the monster’s bullet attacks and morningstar hits had taken their toll. They were bleeding from their forehead and clenching their chest - even their usually blank expression looked strained as they struggled to breathe. They hadn’t eaten anything in a while to recover either - they might be out of food.

It’s all her fault, she thinks bitterly. Everything was out of control. There weren’t supposed to be these powerful monsters in the CORE. She knew the maps like the back of her hand, but everything had shifted and now she didn’t know _anything._ She was supposed to be guiding them, but she was failing at it… just like she failed at _everything._ Stupid, stupid...

She had to do this right. She had to keep them safe. She _had to._

“Looks like you can’t proceed until you hit the switch,” she says to them. “B-but, those lasers will activate when you do. Ummmm…”

She looks down at the printed instructions for the puzzles, trying to stay calm. Her clawed hands are shaking and her vision is blurring, but…

“Looks like they’ll come in this order: **Orange. Orange. Blue.** G-got it? Move until the third one!”

She hung up and watched the screen. The magic that made up her body was pumping so fast that it was amazing her body was remaining stable. She was right, wasn’t she? That was the order, wasn’t it?

She looks down at the paper again, just for a second. By the time she does, the human has already walked to the switch and pressed it.

The lasers come flying at them. She sees them and gasps, covering her mouth in horror - Blue. Blue. Orange. The human must have milliseconds to react - Alphys can’t tell. Time seems to slow to a crawl for her, but the human continues to move as if carried by their own momentum, or as if they trusted her directions in spite of every reason they had not to.

There’s a spray of blood as the laser passes straight through them. Alphys tries to cover her eyes, but it’s too late - she sees the human stumble and collapse before falling face first onto the narrow platform. Blood begins to pool around them.

Alphys is frozen in her seat, everything around her silent but for the buzzing of fluorescent lights and whirring of computer fans. It takes a moment for her mind to process what had just happened. It didn't seem real at all… and yet she still feels like she’s going to throw up.

She doesn’t know how long it takes before she jumps out of her seat, sending it clattering to the floor, and takes off running in the direction of the CORE.

* * *

Alphys stops running only when she reaches the room in the CORE where she had last seen the human - monsters avoided her, and she was able to hack through the CORE’s defenses to avoid the array of lasers scattered throughout its enormous hallways. She came through without a scratch.

The human… was not so lucky. They hadn’t miraculously gotten back up. They hadn’t moved an inch. They only lay in a pool of blood, which drips over the edge of the platform and falls into the infinite abyss of the CORE.

But… there was still hope, wasn’t there? She hadn’t checked their pulse. If they were still alive, somehow, she could heal them at her lab - she was sure of it.

Swallowing, she approaches the platform, steadily and carefully balancing on it so as not fall over the sides. She reaches the human, trying to ignore the smell of iron permeating over the smell of sulfur and magma that ran throughout the CORE, and leans down to press her claws against their neck.

Nothing. No heartbeat.

Alphys had seen humans die in her darker anime series, but it was always either blood trickling from the mouth while they gave their final dramatic speech, or in a huge screen-filling explosion where the details were left to the imagination. She had never _really_ seen a human die.

And now she was looking at the mangled, bloodied corpse of a human child. She falls to her knees in front of them, jostling their lifeless body.

It was… her fault.

It was _all her fault._

There was nobody else to shoulder the blame. No excuses to be made. She was the one who had created the plan with Mettaton to trick them into becoming her friend, to trick herself into feeling like she wasn’t a burden on everyone in the Underground. She had reactivated the puzzles in Hotland and the Core. She had disabled the elevators that would have lead them safely to Asgore. Every obstacle that they had faced, she had put it there.

And, worst of all, she had been the direct cause of their death. One misread set of instructions had taken their life. She was a failure as a guide. She was a failure as a _monster._ Just like always.

Just like always.

It took her until she saw the tears falling on the human’s bloodstained body to realize that she was crying, hot, messy tears that stung at her eyes. She would have almost thought she didn’t have it in her to cry anymore, that she had cried out everything she had in the long years spent in her laboratory, hugging the amalgamates and repeating “I’m sorry” until her throat was sore. But, apparently, she could still cry after all. Go figure.

A glow forms from within the human’s body. Slowly, a red light begins to fill the room as the human’s red soul rises from out of their chest. The final soul that the monsters needed for freedom. The final sacrifice of an innocent life.

She had never wanted monsters to be free - not at the great toll it took. That’s why she had always tried to find an alternative, an artificial soul powerful enough to break the barrier. That was why she had experimented with Determination, why she had desperately pumped the bodies of fallen monsters full of it in a last-ditch effort to get their freedom another way.

And in the end... all her efforts had been for nothing. Because she had done it herself. She had murdered the final human. Their life had been snuffed out because of her. She’d been rooting for them every moment since she’d left the Ruins, and now they were dead.

She clenches her face in her claws, scratching herself. She almost wants to scream. To yell at the soul, “Go away! Nobody wants you here!” until it… did whatever souls did. Flew away? Disappeared? She didn’t really care. She only knew she wanted it gone. Screw the barrier. If this is what breaking the barrier meant, her fellow monsters could all _rot_.

But, as she took a deep breath and tried to stay in control of her faculties, she still had enough sense to realize that was her being… selfish, yet again. This human may have died a pointless, gruesome death, but there was nothing more she could do to save them. Even if she had healing magic, there was no magic on Earth that could bring back the dead.

There was nothing to do but take them to Asgore and let him gather the souls and break the barrier - the goal of all monsterkind, the end to this seemingly endless war.

Or maybe the beginning?

Because, after all, she had thought long and hard about what the monsters would do _after_ they achieved their freedom. She knew the stories of the War - that humans could have easily wiped monsterkind out, if they so wished, and that their sealing of the monsters into the Underground had been a sort of mercy. Even if Asgore had godlike power, he was still one monster against all of humanity.

What if monsters achieved freedom only to be wiped out completely? What if it was better to stay Underground, where it was cramped and depressing and _safe?_

She couldn’t bear to be responsible for that. Maybe she had to take… more drastic measures. She could throw the human’s body into the CORE, where it’d never be found. But that wouldn’t get rid of their soul, which she had no idea how to destroy.

Or… she could leave it up to someone else. Take the responsibility off her shoulders. If _she_ jumped into the CORE, someone would certainly find the human’s body and the final soul, just like monsters had found other dead humans before. She knew the terrifying rumors of the previous royal scientist, who had supposedly jumped into the CORE and been completely erased from existence, from history itself.

Maybe that eternal abyss is what she deserves.

 _Yes_ , she thinks, bitterly. _It is._

And not only did she deserve it, it was the perfect solution. She wouldn’t even have to worry about breaking Undyne’s heart. Undyne would forget about her, just like everyone had forgotten about the previous royal scientist. Asgore would forget about her. Doggo, Froggit, Whimsun, Snowdrake… all of the monsters would forget about her and what she did.

She stands up, walking away from the human’s corpse, and stares out over the abyss - just like she’s done so many times in the garbage dump in Waterfall. She still remembers how close she had been to jumping when she’d met Undyne, to who knows what fate awaited her at the bottom - if there could be said to be a bottom at all.

And her phone rings.

She fishes it out of her pocket and sees it’s a call from Undyne.

She cancels it. She can’t bear to hear Undyne’s voice right now. What would she even say to her? “Goodbye”? “I’ll miss you”? “I love you”?

Clenching her fists so tightly that her claws will leave marks (pointless, irrelevant marks), she readies herself. There’s nothing to be afraid of, she thinks over and over. This is what’s best. This is what’s best. This is what’s best.

She doesn’t jump. She lets herself fall, until the human’s body and the clear glass bridge become further and further away, until they’re tiny dots. She falls and falls and falls. She doesn’t know how long she keeps falling before she finally shuts her eyes and waits for death.

* * *

She’s on the bridge. The human’s body is next to her. Her phone is in her hand - Undyne is calling her.

She gets a strange sense of déjà vu.

“Wow,” says a cheerful, high-pitched voice. “You managed to kill them just by being a _complete idiot._ I’m impressed.”

Alphys cancels the call from Undyne, looking around herself frantically for the source of the voice. It takes her a few moments to notice the golden flower at the other end of the bridge, grinning sardonically at her. She recognizes the golden flower instantly - the same one she injected with Determination. The very first golden flower from Asgore’s garden.

“Confused?” the flower says, cocking what passes for its head. “So was I, at first. I thought I had lost my power to SAVE. I thought there was finally someone in this wretched place with more determination than _me.”_

The flower’s grin widens. There are sharp fangs in its smile, which doesn’t even seem possible.

“But I was wrong! I was completely wrong! Because they _gave up!”_ Its grin widens. _“_ You did what nobody else could, Doctor! They’re dead and they’re _never coming back!”_ Its grin widens, impossibly wide. “And now this world…” Its grin widens further, its eyes becoming empty and hollow, its tongue lolling out. “This world belongs to _me!”_

The flower starts to laugh uproariously.

And Alphys… doesn’t care. This was her fault too. She had brought this… creature to life. Who cares what it did at this point? None of it actually mattered.

She gives the flower an empty, distant look, and then lets herself fall over the edge.

* * *

It takes only a second before she finds herself at the bridge, the human’s body next to her, her phone in her hand. Undyne is calling her. She cancels it.

She gets a distinct sense of déjà vu.

“Hey, hey, hey!” says the flower. “You think I’m letting you live for fun?”

She doesn’t answer.

“Well, I _am_ letting you live for fun!” the flower chirps. “You made me this way… you brought me to life. So I really just want to see you _suffer,_ Doctor.”

“Do your worst,” she says, because after all, she deserves this too.

“You betcha!” says the flower, before it disappears under the floor. “Well, toodles!”

She waits a few moments, staring at the space where the flower just was, then out into the abyss of the CORE. Well, who knows how many times she’s jumped already? It probably isn’t an option. The flower said he was “letting her live” - for whatever twisted reason, she apparently can’t kill herself.

So she bends down, picks up the human’s body, and throws it over her shoulders. It barely weighs anything, but the blood causes it to stick to her lab coat.

Slowly, she makes her way out of the CORE, carrying the body the entire way. The red soul follows behind her, like a confused child separated from its mother.

* * *

Alphys, drenched in sweat and covered head to toe in blood, finally manages to make it all the way back to Hotland before she sees a familiar face running towards her.

Alphys sighs. She should have known this was coming.

“Alphys! There you -” Undyne says, before coming to a sudden halt. “ _Holy shit.”_

“I… I guess that’s an appropriate reaction,” Alphys replies, chuckling in spite of herself. She drops the human’s body, letting it fall to the floor, and the red soul hovers around it.

Undyne doesn’t even glance at the body. Instead, she crouches down in front of Alphys. “Fuck that! Are you OK!? They didn’t hurt you, did they?! I knew they couldn’t be trusted… stupid Papyrus… making me be ‘friends’ with them...!”

“I’m… I’m fine,” Alphys stammers out, barely able to meet Undyne’s eye. “You _know_ monsters don’t bleed.”

Undyne nods. “Yeah. Of course.” She grimaces, looks at the corpse behind Alphys, and mutters, “Damn it.”

Every movement of Alphys’ body feels like she’s trying to swim up a waterfall, but she curls in on herself anyway. “What?”

“So… they didn’t hurt you at all?”

Alphys nods slowly. “They never hurt anyone. Not once. Not ever.”

Undyne’s brow furrows. She clenches one hand into a fist, then pounds it against the ground.

“Damn it! What happened? How’d they…?!” She takes a deep breath, staring straight at Alphys. “How’d they die?”

“It was me,” said Alphys, her voice flat and emotionless. “I killed them.”

Undyne’s eye widens.

“It was… it was an accident…” Alphys whispers. She feels like she can’t even stand. “I didn’t know… I didn’t mean… I’m… I’m…”

Before she knows what’s happening, Undyne has her in a backbreaking hug, knocking all the breath out of her lungs. Her face is buried in Undyne’s shoulder - something between a sob and a wail nearly escapes her throat, but it doesn’t materialize. She just rests against Undyne's body, feeling nothing at all.

Undyne pats her back. “Shh, shh, it's OK, Alphys.”

“It’s _not_ ,” Alphys manages to spit out, although she feels increasingly further and further away from her own body as she speaks. It’s as if someone else is speaking for her. “They’re _dead,_ and it’s all my fault. I’m a… a _murderer_.”

“You’re not a murderer,” Undyne says. In spite of everything, her voice is somehow soothing. “You’re not, OK? You’re the nicest girl I know. You couldn’t hurt a Froggit!”

Alphys scoffs. _If only you knew,_ she thinks. _I’ve been hurting people my whole life._

“Well, my house is on fire,“ Undyne continues, while Alphys decides not to ask, “but you should head back to your lab and rest. I’ll… I’ll take, uh, the body to Asgore. He’ll know what to do with ‘em.”

Alphys can’t help but notice she’s neglecting to mention what they’ll do with the soul. It’s not like Undyne cheering and going “Well, at least we’re finally free!” would make her feel any better. Worse, if anything.

But Alphys isn’t going to protest. Carrying the body had been bad enough - she doesn’t want to ever see it again. And they deserve a proper burial too, or at least being put away in a coffin alongside the rest of Asgore’s morbid collection, which is as close as they’re probably going to get.

Undyne takes the body off the ground and cradles it in her arms. Alphys hears her take a deep, shuddering breath as she looks down at the corpse of what had apparently been her friend, even if it was for a short time. She closes their eyes and brushes a strand of brown hair out of their face, then looks at Alphys.

“I’ll see you soon, OK?” Undyne says, smiling softly. “Don’t do anything… crazy.”

Alphys almost laughs at that. She knows exactly what Undyne is implying, and it’s hard to say ‘too late, but don’t worry, a talking flower stopped me.’

“I won’t,” she says instead. “See you soon.”

And Undyne starts walking slowly back towards New Home. Alphys sighs, watching her retreating back, and eventually begins to make the trek towards her lab.

* * *

The moment she enters the lab, she turns everything off - all her computers, all her equipment, that she was using to track the human. There’s no point to any of it anymore.

She wants to crawl into bed (and to hopefully never wake up) but she has to feed the amalgamates, so she goes down into her _real_ laboratory, carrying a huge bag of dog food in her arms. She kind of prefers this part of the laboratory, actually, for the same reason she prefers the dump - it’s the kind of dark, godforsaken place where trash like her belongs.

And the amalgamates are company, in a weird way. They’re terrifying, and sad, all at once. They don’t just give her headaches, they give her _memories,_ ones that are hers and aren’t hers. Being around them is a reminder of everything she’s done, but it’s also painful in a literal way - a pain both physical and mental.

The pain is her punishment for creating these… things. She’s sure of that. It’s just another reason she prefers to be in the real laboratory whenever she can be, until it becomes too much, until she feels like she’s drowning in it. Then she’ll take a break, go back up to the main laboratory, until she’s ready again.

Today, she just wants to drown in it and never stop.

Endogeny walks/slides on its six (?) legs (?) to her first. Endogeny always comes first - it must be the advantage of having a canine’s sense of smell, only several times over.

It lifts what passes for its head against her hand, making a whining sound like the screech of an old-fashioned modem. She pets its head, tells it, “I did something awful today.”

It whines again.

“Worse than that,” she says, and it licks her face with something white, dripping, way too long, and vaguely tongue-like. “Good, uh, boy. You hungry?”

It gets excited right away, bounding back and forth, its dripping tail wagging. She goes over to its overly large food bowl and gives it enough food for at least eight dogs. It’s still probably too little - Endogeny always seems to be hungry.

Once Endogeny starts to vacuum up the food, she goes to the vending machine and orders some chisps for the other amalgamates. As soon as the smell of stale starch begins to fill the room, the other amalgamates crawl out every orifice of the lab - the doors, the floor, the ceiling. In moments, she’s surrounded by a mass of noise, an array of screeching, buzzing, laughing, croaking, crying voices too many and too loud to comprehend. Wet, goo-covered tendrils, legs, arms, and other limbs press against her lab coat, reaching out for the chisps.

“One at a time, one at a time,” she says to them as soothingly as she can, in spite of the growing headache that’s forming. She tries not to focus on the memories that come up to her mind unbidden, particularly from the Memoryheads, but it’s difficult. Before she realizes what’s happening, she feels her thoughts being almost entirely replaced with them.

She remembers sharing jokes with her son, a boy shaped like a snowflake. His jokes are terrible - so much worse than his father’s! - but they make her laugh, and she jokes back with him with puns equally as bad. It’s a strangely comforting memory - in spite of the cold of Snowdin, it makes her feel almost warm.

The memories shift, like dreams. Now she’s patrolling Waterfall, walking through the tall sea grass. A monster shaped like a clam salutes at her, crossing her arms over her chest in the shape of an X, and she salutes back and wishes her a good day. She passes by a family of two ghosts, one of which she recognizes and one she doesn’t, who don’t salute because they don’t have arms to salute with. They’re good folks, though - she knows that.

The memories shift again. Now she’s somewhere completely unfamiliar, a place that looks like it’s threatening to fall apart. She’s hopping along the ground, past pillars, spikes, and puzzles, when she sees someone much taller than her approach. It’s a boss monster, an old goat woman, carrying groceries in one arm. The goat woman nearly trips over her, but instead of glaring at her, the goat woman smiles and reaches down as if to pet her head. Frightened, she hops away.

And, as she hears a sound like a dial-up modem from a nearby Memoryhead… she experiences the strangest vision of all, one she’d never seen anything like before. A house - its walls are stark black and white, and everything she sees is distorted heavily by noise and static, like a bad VHS recording. She has hands, human hands, that she stares down at - dark brown hands, the only color in all the world. She’s hungry, so very, very hungry, and tired, so very tired. She has to get out of here. She has to escape, to be anywhere but here, where she’s starving and exhausted and…

She gasps and the memories fade, the amalgamates stepping/sliding/flying a few inches back from her. She’s crying, she realizes, even though the rational part of her knows it’s all just magical interference. It’s like all the times she spends with the amalgamates, being fed strange memories she doesn’t understand, things that have never happened to her - it just makes her feel all the more like she’s done something unforgivable to them.

Just like she’s done to the human child.

She lets herself collapse onto her knees, then lays on the grimy tiled floor and curls up into a ball. In seconds, she’s completely surrounded by the amalgamates - or perhaps just one giant amalgamate, as they all form together into a dripping, pulsating mass of magic and flesh.

Eventually, in spite of the pounding headache, she almost feels comfortable. The amalgamates are like a huge, amorphous blanket over her body, and that’s enough for her to fall asleep.

* * *

When she wakes up maybe hours, maybe days, later, the amalgamates are gone… except for Endogeny, who is loyally sleeping by her side. She pets its sort-of-head, being careful not to wake it up.

In spite of all the sleep she’s just had, she’s more tired than ever. It feels like a tremendous weight has been put on her shoulders and she’s having to drag it behind her, like she never actually got rid of the human’s body at all.

She doesn’t feel like going back upstairs, so she walks around the dark, dingy laboratory, trying not to look too hard at any passing amalgamates. She doesn’t really know where she’s going or why, until she walks into the refrigerator room, where she keeps her samples.

Including her samples of DT, the samples she used to create the amalgamates in the first place.

She gets a horrible idea.

What if… what if _she_ used those? On _herself_? That strange flower may have stopped her from jumping off a bridge, but surely, if she was quick enough…

Taking a quick glance around to make sure the flower’s not looking, she opens one of the refrigerators. There, sure enough, is a group of frozen samples of DT in syringes, extracted from one of the human souls collected by Asgore. All she has to do is inject it into herself. She hates needles, but it’ll be like any other shot she’s given herself, really - and, like any other shot, it’ll be for the best. For everyone.

She’s halfway to taking one of the vials out when she hears a voice, far in the distance, desperately screaming out “Alphys! Alphys, where are you?!”

Alphys is so startled that she drops the vial and it hits the ground, shattering into pieces. She steps away from the DT as it puddles along the floor, not wanting to get any on her feet - who knows what touching it would do to her?

“Alphys!” screams the voice. “Alphys, so help me, if you don’t answer… I’m going to be really cheesed off!”

It’s Undyne’s voice, of course. Alphys would recognize it anywhere.

And it’s enough to stay her hand. She knows what injecting herself full of DT will do to her - the same thing it did to all the other monsters she injected it with. It’d turn her into one of those… _things._ The idea of Undyne eventually finding her like that, a misshapen blob who can only repeat itself over and over, fills her with horror.

So she closes the refrigerator door, makes a note to herself to clean up the spill later, and heads back to the elevator.

She doesn’t even notice the golden flower watching her every move.

* * *

When she emerges from the “bathroom,” Undyne is there. Without hesitation, Undyne pulls her into another backbreaking hug, lifting her off the ground and into the air.

“Oh, Alphys, I’m so glad you’re OK! I had no idea what might have happened to you!” Undyne shouts, shaking her back and forth. Alphys feels vaguely sick.

“Just… you know… had to u-use the bathroom…” she manages to stammer. “Duty calls!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Undyne replies cheerfully.

“Nevermind,” Alphys says. Undyne puts her back on the floor and she brushes off the front of her lab coat. “How’d it… how’d it go with Asgore?”

Alphys sees Undyne’s face darken for just a moment. Undyne shoots off a grin, but Alphys can tell it’s strained, and on top of that, can see her hand tightening into a fist. “Uh, pretty good! He was definitely shocked.”

“Shocked that… that I’m the one who did it?”

Undyne’s grin fades, becoming a frown. “...Yeah.” She looks away. “You know, though, I was still expecting him to be overjoyed. I mean, finally, the freedom we’ve all fought for is at hand, you know. But he just seemed... sad.”

Alphys can imagine. The last time a human fell was when she was still a child, but Asgore always seemed so… melancholy. She knew he’d had to kill humans before. This agony she was feeling must be the same agony he felt every single time - an agony he buried as deep as he could, but an agony that was obvious to anyone who looked.

“...I can relate,” Alphys says softly.

“Anyway,” says Undyne, crossing her arms, “he’s having the ceremony to break the barrier in three days. I don’t know what he’s waiting for - all that royal pomp and circumstance crap, I guess.”

“I see,” Alphys says. She doesn’t really care all that much. She still thinks it’s a terrible idea, but…

Wait. Her eyes widen.

She remembers something, hearing a voice in her head - an obnoxiously high-pitched, sing-song voice. _“This world belongs to me!”_

What did that flower mean by that? It must have had plans to somehow achieve world domination - plans that required the death of that human, and probably the collection of their soul. It hadn’t made its move yet, but… was Asgore in danger? Were the souls at risk of being stolen?

And she was the only one who knew.

And she… didn’t care. Another voice in her head, her own voice, tells her that none of it actually matters. If that flower steals the souls, so what? Whatever it does with them can’t be any worse than what the humans will do to the denizens of the Underground if they escape their prison.

And, if the flower kills Asgore… that’s probably for the best, isn’t it? You can kind of tell he longs for death as it is. He’ll be happy to die.

Frankly, she can’t imagine any of it will matter to _her._ Once she finds a method to get rid of herself without that flower stopping her or Undyne finding her body, it won’t make a difference at all what happens to the Underground. She won’t be around to see it.

So, with a resigned sigh, she says “So did you… did you want something, Undyne?”

“Yeah!” Undyne says, grinning again. “I wanted to move in!” Alphys opens her mouth to say something, but Undyne speaks first. “And I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer!”

“Uh… what?” Alphys says.

“You heard me: I’m moving in! My house burned down, remember? I don’t have a place to crash anymore, so why not stay at your place?” Undyne looks around the lab, as if appraising it. “And come on, it’ll be soooo fun! We can watch so much of your human history videos! And read so many human history books! What’s not to love?!”

 _Everything!_ Alphys thinks. _Everything’s not to love!_

But, instead, she rubs her face with her claws, massaging her temple.

“Fine.”

“Awesome!” yells Undyne, fistpumping. “You got a couch I can sleep on? Nah, you know what, it’s fine! I’ll borrow Papyrus’ couch!”

Alphys tries to imagine Undyne dragging Papyrus’ couch all the way from Snowdin to Hotland. It’s surprisingly easy. She could probably do it one-handed, even.

“...Do whatever you want,” she shrugs.

* * *

It was less than a day before Asgore came to visit her, knocking on the metal doors with his massive paws. He’d sent a letter announcing his arrival in advance, as he always did for official royal visits - so old-fashioned, Alphys thought. Shouldn’t royalty know how to use the Undernet?

...Actually, considering her posts on there, maybe it was better that he didn’t use the Undernet.

But Alphys had been dreading his arrival for every hour since he’d announced it for different reasons. She hadn’t talked to Asgore face-to-face since she’d created the amalgamates - she’d blown off all the times she was supposed to make official reports to the crown, claiming to be sick. Asgore probably hadn’t actually believed her, but he was an enormous pushover, so it’d worked. Him being an enormous pushover was also probably why she hadn’t been _fired._

Now he was making the visit to her, instead of the other way around. Probably so she couldn’t avoid it this time. She’d thought about calling in sick anyway. When she’d suggested that to Undyne only barely jokingly, Undyne had told her over and over again that “you can do it,” whatever that meant. And she could hardly argue with Undyne.

She hadn’t made any effort to prepare though. She’d washed her face and changed into a spare, not blood covered labcoat, but she hadn’t showered. She probably still smelled like iron. And her home was in complete disarray.

Oh well. Nothing to do about it. It wouldn’t matter in a few days anyway, right?

With that thought in mind, she types in the keypad code and opens the door leading out to Hotland. His Majesty stood behind it, majestic in spite of how heavily he was sweating in his armor. His massive frame nearly covered the entire surface of the threshold. Behind him were much fewer Royal Guards than normal - just Undyne, who smiled at her reassuringly.

“Y-your Majesty,” says Alphys, bowing a little too far, crossing both arms over her chest in the shape of an X. “This is an honor.”

Asgore laughs, a booming chuckle. “Now, now, Dr. Alphys, my dear, how many times must we have this talk? There’s no need for such formalities with me. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

She raises her eyes from where she’s bowing to stare up at him. He smiles gently at her and she says, “Y-yes. Friends. Right. O-of course.”

She raises herself up to her usual slouch and welcomes him in.

“Er, well, w-welcome to my h-home? Sorry about… about the m-m-mess.”

Asgore carefully steps over a Mew Mew Kissy Cutie brand bobblehead. “It is no concern.”

She directs him and Undyne to the couch, the couch that used to belong to Papyrus. Asgore sits on it and the couch groans under his weight, one side of it flipping up like a seesaw. He takes up two seats.

Undyne takes one look at the couch and says “I’ll just stand.”

Alphys rushes over to her fridge. She takes out two cups of tea she’s already prepared - the King’s favorite Golden Flower brew, in cups shaped like a lion and like a lizard. She’s set the refrigerator to be an unfrigerator, making things warm instead of cold, so the tea is still at the right temperature.

She rushes back over to Asgore, being careful not to spill the tea, and hands him his cup. “H-here you go! G-Golden Flower t-tea, just like… just like you like it!”

“Thank you kindly, Dr. Alphys,” he says, taking a sip. “Delicious. Please, take a seat.”

With his other paw, he pats the seat next to him, the seat that’s a few inches off the ground. She wrings her hands, but nods and climbs onto it.

“Now, you, of course, know I am not here to drink tea,” he says, though he’s still smiling gently at her.

She nods. “You’re here… b-because… I k-k-killed the human.”

Asgore nods solemnly. “That is correct. Of course…” He sighs. “Their death is a tragic one, as the deaths of all children are.”

 _And that’s what they were,_ Alphys thinks, feeling herself sink into the couch with every word he says. _A child. You killed a child._

“...But I am hardly here to punish you,” Asgore continues. “You have done a great deed for the kingdom - that is, for all monsterkind.”

Alphys doesn’t know how to respond. She only blurts out, “You’re _not_ here to punish me?”

“Alphys!” Undyne shouts, and then makes a strained smile when she realizes she’s spoken out of turn. She crosses her arms over her chest in an X shape and bows.

Asgore turns to her. “Speak, Captain.”

“Alphys, I know Asgore is, like, everyone’s dad,” says Undyne, and Asgore chuckles again, “but he’s not _your_ dad. He’s not going to ground you.”

Alphys sighs. “I was thinking I’d get… fired, actually.”

“Fired?!” Undyne repeats. “You did my job for me! You killed the human! You freed everyone!”

Alphys feels a rare sense of anger bubbling up inside her as Undyne speaks. She wants to snap at them both, but instead, she says, very quietly, “And for what?”

“Pardon?” says Asgore.

“N-nothing,” Alphys stammers.

“She said ‘and for what’, Your Majesty,” says Undyne.

 _Thanks a lot, Undyne,_ Alphys thinks.

“What a strange thing to say,” Asgore says, taking another sip of his tea. “Do you not believe in the cause of monster freedom? Of destroying the barrier, of ending our millenia-long imprisonment?”

“O-o-of course I do!” Alphys lies. “That’s w-what I’ve been… I’ve been trying for all these y-years! That’s why I…”

She closes her mouth. She was about to say “created those things,” but _that_ would be hard to explain.

Then again, maybe she should reveal the amalgamates to him. What would it matter? In a few days, either she would be dead, _everyone_ would be dead, or both. And, if she died without telling him about the amalgamates, they would starve to death.

Maybe that was for the best too. If the amalgamates died, it would end their unimaginable suffering. Killing them had always been the right thing to do, but it was what she had been too cowardly to do - to fry them with lightning magic until they stopped existing. Starvation would be a painful, unmerciful death, but it was still better than living.

“That’s why you what?” says Asgore, raising an eyebrow. Even Undyne looks confused.

Alphys grins a strained grin. “P-p-put all the R&D b-budget into my p-p-patented Barrier Buster Bomb, of course! Haha! What else would I be talking about?!”

“Ah, yes,” says Asgore, nodding. “The Barrier Buster Bomb. How is that going?”

Undyne mutters, “ _All_ the R&D budget?”

Alphys sighs, rubbing her snout. She hasn’t worked on the Barrier Buster Bomb in years. “I… I still haven’t figured out h-how to get it to not blow up e-everything _except_ the barrier.”

“Ah, well,” says Asgore, taking another sip of his tea. “It doesn’t matter now. The barrier will be broken in just a few days, once the preparations are complete, and we will all be free. That is what I came here to do, actually… to congratulate you, Dr. Alphys, on a job well done. Your continued position as Royal Scientist is assured.”

 _For whatever that’s worth,_ Alphys thinks. She nods, although her heart isn’t in it, and stammers out a “T-t-thank you.” She takes a sip of her tea - it’s already getting cold.

“There is one other thing I must ask you about, however,” says Asgore. “You told me the monsters I had sent you had miraculously returned to life. Where are they?”

Alphys blanches. Asgore just stares expectantly at her.

If she’s going to tell him, she realizes, now is the time.

...But she can’t.

“T-t-they’re still recovering!” she says quickly. “They can’t be seen yet!”

“Dr. Alphys, it’s been months,” Asgore says. “Where in the Underground are you keeping them?”

“In my, uh, t-t-top secret recovery hospital! Of… of course!”

Undyne looks over at her, obviously unconvinced, but Asgore’s expression softens. He says, “Ah. I see. That makes sense. I hope they will be ready to see their families soon.”

Alphys almost lets slip a sigh of relief. “Y-yes, of course. I promise they will be.”

“Now I must return to preparing for the ceremony,” Asgore says, standing up from the couch. The other third of the couch sinks back to the floor. “I’m sorry to ‘cut and run’, as they say, but the preparations are... extensive. Come, Captain Undyne.”

Undyne salutes, crossing her arms over her chest. “Your Majesty, sir!”

Alphys scoots off her couch and takes Asgore’s cup of tea from him. He smiles down at her, and then says, quietly, “I understand what you’re going through better than you know. I can’t say it will become easier, but… just remember that you are not alone.”

Alphys blinks.

“I can say no more,” Asgore says, and starts to leave, Undyne following behind him. Alphys bows, unnecessarily, at his back.

Alphys waits until the door closes behind them before she sets the cups back in the unfrigerator, slowly walks back to her couch, and sits on it. Then, all at once, she lets out a wail, burying her head in her hands.

_“You are not alone.”_

She doesn’t deserve this, she repeats in her mind, over and over, pounding her fists against her head. She doesn’t deserve this.

* * *

When Undyne finally comes off-duty, hours and hours later, Alphys hasn’t moved from the couch. She’s laid on it and curled up into a small ball, tucking her head into her tail. She hasn’t eaten anything all day - maybe if she doesn’t eat anything, she’ll starve to death, somehow. Monsters didn’t need to eat, but if she dwindled all her magic supplies, maybe she’ll die like that. Maybe the magic making up her constituent parts would become so weak that she’ll just… vanish.

She’s also been crying, and she reaches up and wipes her tears away when she hears Undyne knocking on the laboratory doors. It won’t do for Undyne to see her crying, after all. She has to put on a brave face, like always. Pretend nothing is wrong, even when everything couldn’t be more wrong, even when everything is falling apart around her.

She takes a sharp breath and fixes her wrinkled coat before entering the keypad code and opening the door.

“H-h-hi, Undy-,” she says, raising her hand to give Undyne a small wave, before Undyne abruptly tackles her into a hug, “-ne???”

“I’m so tired, Alphys,” Undyne sighs, right next to her ear.

 _I can relate,_ Alphys thinks, but she doesn’t actually _say_ that. Instead, she says, “Y-you? But you’re _never_ t-t-tired.”

“Well, all this royal _bullcrap_ is exhausting. It’s like ‘Undyne go here, Undyne go there, Undyne stand around for hours for this painting of the King, Undyne go put up party decorations’... it’s, uh, not really my thing.”

Alphys finds it hard to imagine Undyne doing things that aren’t fighting, patrolling, training, and whatever else it is Royal Guard captains do. Sure, Undyne watches ~~anime~~ human documentaries with her now and then, but it’s not like that’s really something Undyne likes, right?

Of course not, Alphys thinks. She’s not just a murderer, she’s a _loser._ The only thing Undyne would actually admire her for, killing a human, she’d done on _complete accident._

She feels sick again. She doesn’t want to hang out with Undyne tonight, and she definitely doesn’t want to talk about the royal pomp and circumstance around the murder she’s just commited. She almost wishes Undyne would just leave, leave her to drown in her sorrow and self-loathing. It’s what she deserves. It’s what’s _best._ Friendships… _relationships_ … the less she has, the easier it’ll be for her to stop existing.

And, even more than that, it’s clear to Alphys that she’s _dangerous._ The bodies, the deaths, of innocent monsters, and now an innocent human, are piling up around her. How can she be trusted around anyone? How can she be trusted around _Undyne,_ if she’s just going to end up doing something horrible to her sooner rather than later?

What she’s thinking, it must have shown on her face, because Undyne pulls away from holding her and gives her a look of concern that she almost hates. She doesn’t deserve pity either. She doesn’t deserve _anything._

“Alphys…” Undyne says, in the softest voice she’s ever heard from her. “You holding up OK?”

Alphys takes a step backwards, nearly tripping over her tail, and… well, what she’d normally do is raise both hands, wave them wildly, and go ‘No, no, everything’s fine!” But… she doesn’t have the energy for it anymore. Pretending she’s OK… it feels exhausting.

Instead, she looks down towards the ground and says nothing.

Undyne… frowns. It looks alien on her normally grinning face.

“It’s that human’s death, isn’t it?”

Alphys cringes - every time someone mentions the human is dead, she remembers the blood, the smell of iron when she found them, and the moment she saw them die - but she nods.

“Don’t tell anyone, especially not Asgore…” Undyne says. “But, uh… I think I… know how you feel.”

Alphys opens her eyes again and stares at Undyne, who is glancing away from her, towards a wall. It’s just as strange to see her looking so serious - not when Undyne is a woman filled with such passion, such energy, strength and confidence.

“Look, I didn’t know that human that well,” Undyne says. “And, to be honest, they were kind of a pain in the ass. Trying to make friends with everybody and all that crap. If they’d killed folks, it’d almost have been easier, but… they didn’t. They even tried to make friends with _me,_ after I tried to kill _them.”_

She doesn’t know what Undyne’s getting at, but every word makes her feel worse.

“Point is,” Undyne says, “They were a good kid. Maybe, in another world, we could have been friends. I was… wrong about them. They didn’t deserve to die.”

Alphys nods slowly, her metaphorical heart sinking into her stomach. She hugs herself, rubbing her arms. They didn’t. They _didn’t._

Undyne looks at her again and her frown deepens. “Oh, man. I’m making it worse, aren’t I?” She mutters to herself, “Ugh, Undyne, you’re supposed to be making her feel _better_ …”

“Undyne,” Alphys says, bitterness creeping into her voice. “You don’t have to try and help me.”

“Like hell I don’t!” Undyne shouts, standing up to her full height and clenching a raised hand into a fist. “You’re my friend! And seeing you like this _really sucks!_

“You think I don’t feel like shit about the human dying?! You think I don’t feel like I should have protected them, kept them safe?! You don’t think I wish they were alive?!

“And I know you, Alphys! I’m not stupid! I still remember when we first met - when you were _literally_ at the edge of doing something horrible to yourself!”

“Y-you knew?” Alphys says, stunned.

“Yeah, I figured it out! And I know you’ve got to be feeling that way again!” She bends her tall, lanky body down and pulls Alphys into another backbreaking hug. “That’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m _here.”_

Alphys doesn’t feel herself crumple in Undyne’s arms, doesn’t feel a cry or a wail coming on. She just feels like… she doesn’t deserve this either.

“There’s… something… something I have to show you,” she says, gently taking Undyne’s arms and pulling them away from her until Undyne releases her strong grip. Once she does, she starts walking towards the “bathroom.”

“The bathroom?” Undyne says. “I still don’t know what you do in there.”

“Horrible, horrible things,” Alphys says, truthfully. “Just come with me.”

* * *

When the elevator reaches the True Lab, Undyne looks confused. When Undyne sees the amalgamates, she looks horrified, her face twisting in anger and revulsion. When the Amalgamates approach Alphys, Undyne almost instinctively summons a spear and points it at Endogeny, yelling “Don’t you touch her!”

Alphys pets Endogeny’s weird sort-of-head. “It’s fine. They’re harmless.”

Undyne rubs her temple. Alphys is sure she must be feeling the headache that she always feels down here. “You sure? Uh, what are these things?”

“They’re the results of my experiments,” Alphys says, her voice surprisingly calm, even to herself. “With Determination. And they used to be monsters.”

“M-monsters?” Undyne says.

“Yes. Endogeny here,” says Alphys, continuing to pet Endogeny, goop from its body sticking to her claws, “used to be the original members of the Snowdin Canine Unit and their families. There’s one that stays near the refrigerators that used to be Snowy’s mother. There are Froggits, Whimsuns, and Loox here too. There’s… a lot of monsters.”

“You didn’t do it on purpose, though?” Undyne says gently. “Right?”

Alphys takes a sharp breath. “No.”

“Then it doesn’t matter to me,” Undyne says.

Alphys almost scoffs. She doesn’t _care?_ So what if she doesn’t care, when by all means, Asgore should have her executed for this? “They’re horrible, Undyne. I don’t entirely know what kind of suffering they go through, but… it’s worse than you can imagine. They’re the reason I can’t tell Asgore about what happened to those monsters who sent me - this is what they’ve become.”

“And that’s why…?” Undyne says.

“That’s why I wanted… to… to kill myself, I guess. And now I’ve made another mistake just like it. I’m dangerous, Undyne. I only hurt people. And, one day, I’ll hurt you too.”

Undyne is quiet for a moment.

Finally, she says, “Well, _fuck_ that.”

Alphys stares at her. “W-what?”

“I told you, I knew you wanted to do something… bad,” Undyne says. “And I knew that human’s death was getting to you too - I could tell. That’s the _real_ reason I moved in.”

Alphys swallows. The real reason was to… to keep her from killing herself?

“I’m not gonna let you die,” Undyne says firmly. “No matter what.”

Alphys wants to point out that she’s already attempted death several times and a talking flower has stopped her every step of the way, but she refrains.

After all, she doesn’t _want_ Undyne to protect her. Undyne doesn’t _get it._

“I deserve to die,” Alphys says flatly, continuing to pet Endogeny. Endogeny whines. “I’ve always deserved it. If I was dead, the human...”

“No, you don’t,” Undyne says over her, her voice hardening further. “You don’t. You have _friends,_ Alphys. Friends who care about you. I know you do, ‘cause I’m one of ‘em. There’s nothing you could have possibly done to make me - or them - think any less of you. You got that?”

“Not even this?” Alphys says, staring at her. Endogeny turns and stares at her too.

Undyne looks uncomfortable, staring not at her but at Endogeny, who tilts the mass that makes up its “head” at her.

“I mean, these things are… well, it’s a lot. I’m not gonna lie to you about that. But… they aren’t hurting you. They even trust you. So I’m going to trust you too,” Undyne says. “And don’t tell me to leave, OK?! I won’t. I’m going to stay here to help you get better, and if that doesn’t work, I’m going to stay here to keep you _alive._ And that’s _final._ ”

Alphys wants to argue. She wants to tell Undyne the truth - that all of Undyne’s effort isn’t going to stop her from finding a way to die. Because how can she live like this? How can she live with this unending misery and guilt? How can she live at all, knowing she only hurts people?

Undyne doesn’t understand. Undyne could _never_ understand. If she doesn’t look at the Amalgamates and agree that she deserves the worst punishment imaginable, then Undyne is just deluded.

“Fine,” Alphys says. “Stay if you want to.”

_For whatever difference you think it’ll make._

“Let’s go watch some human history documentaries,” Undyne offers, smiling again. “I know that always cheers you up.”

Alphys wants to say “whatever,” but instead, she just nods. Maybe watching anime will cheer her up. Maybe it’ll undo all the damage of her creating the amalgamates, of her killing a child.

Or maybe Undyne will realize nothing’s going to make her feel better and give up.

Either way, it can’t make things worse.

* * *

“ _I’m so fucked up,”_ says the human boy in the anime she’s watching with Undyne. She picked it specifically because it was the most depressing anime she had available - it’s the ending of a series about a mecha pilot who experiences unending horror and despair because he doesn’t want to _be_ a mecha pilot, but his father forces him to by threatening the people he cares about.

The boy’s a piece of garbage. He can’t even get in the big robot to save his friends from death, he only hurts the people he cares about, and now he’s done something utterly repulsive to an unconscious woman. And it only gets worse from there. She can relate, because that’s exactly what she is - a piece of garbage, a monster who can’t do the right thing, who just hurts people in repulsive ways. And, like the anime, it’s just going to get worse.

She knows all that even though she isn’t watching the anime anymore and hasn’t been for over an hour. She’s not even watching the subtitles, which say “It would be better if I never existed, I should just die too.” Instead, she’s just staring off into the distance, letting the anime pass over her like the rivers of Waterfall. She’s not even paying attention to Undyne.

Eventually, she starts drifting off, exhaustion overtaking her, and she falls asleep.

When she wakes up the next morning, she’s curled up into a ball on the couch and a blanket has been thrown over her.

She knows it’s Undyne’s doing.

And she wishes, just as much as before, that Undyne would just give up.

Like she has.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, this isn't the ending! There's more to come!
> 
> Thanks to IvySnowy, [Willow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMX004_Qubeley/pseuds/AMX004_Qubeley), and [Kira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiraYoshikage) for betaing this fic and helping me with certain scenes!


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